Quello che le donne non dicono – Dal primo incontro all’inizio di una storia

15 Febbraio 2020

Quello che le donne non dicono – alias “Guida al contorto pensiero della donna”.
Dato che oggi è San Faustino, dopo giorni di “Sole, cuore, amore” proviamo a fare il punto della situazione sulla singletudine dei numeri primi. Uomini single non temete, quello che leggerete di seguito è solo frutto di mera fantasia. (o almeno facciamo un 50/50)
Ad ogni modo, andiamo con ordine…Musichetta di sottofondo
“Donne, du-du-du in cerca di guai, donne al telefono che non suona mai!” e si parte!

A meno che non abbiate avuto il classico colpo di fulmine per il lui di turno, non c’è scampo. Il passaggio della sua figura al metal detector è d’obbligo, perché noi donne siamo un po’ come la signora in giallo, ci aggiriamo silenziose alla ricerca di tracce e se qualche prova non ci convince è la fine. Succede che il tipo conosciuto in fila alla posta, quello che ha preso il numerino per voi e che… “oh ma che carino che è”. Insomma, il tipo che vi ha fatto battere il cuore vi invita a prendere un caffè e voi non potete tirarvi indietro, siete pronte, anzi siete prontissime ad iniziare la vostra mission. Scrutate ogni minima mossa.
“Zucchero di canna o zucchero bianco?”
“Cappuccino e cornetto o caffè ristretto, magari pure senza zucchero?”
Per una donna, ogni scelta nasconde un retroscena e se l’uomo compie scelte sbagliate già nel primo approccio, la donna fugge. 

Il tizio ha conquistato la vostra fiducia, gli viene concesso il secondo appuntamento. Arriva l’invito al cinema! -Carinamente- (si fa per dire!) concedete a lui la possibilità di scegliere il film. Si innesca il meccanismo del “dimmi che film ti piace e scoprirò chi sei”, ma non attacca, perché se la vostra nuova fiamma sceglierà una pellicola tutta-cuori-picci-picci-e-lieto fine, voi penserete “l’ha fatto solo per far breccia nel mio cuore.” E allora, dato che la donna conosce se stessa e sa che potrebbe ragionare in quel modo, evita di puntare l’attenzione sulla scelta del film e si focalizza sul look del povero malcapitato.
Camicia inamidata o t-shirt stracciata?
Di solito non esistono mezze misure e solo il tempo svelerà se avete a che fare con l’uomo-degli-specchi-sono-tutti-miei o con “l’omo-a-da-puzzà”. 

Siete in attesa di altri indizi, ricercate altre prove concrete fin quando davanti a voi si palesa un altro banco di prova: l’invito a cena.
A)Ristorantino d’elite  
B)Locanda casareccia
Entrambe le soluzioni presentano chiavi di lettura diverse e indovinate un po’?! Eh già, non dipende dal ragazzo in questione, non dipende dalla scelta del posto dove andare a cena, tutto dipenderà dal termometro dell’”ammmore”.
Se vi ha già cotte a puntino lo difenderete a spada tratta:
Scelta A): “ha scelto il ristorante di classe per farmi capire che sono la sua regina!”
Scelta B)“ha scelto la “taverna del magnone” perché è uno che punta tutto sulla sostanza.”
Se non vi ha convinte più di tanto sarete pronte per l’interpretazione che gli darà il colpo di grazia:
Scelta A)“pensa di fare colpo con la scelta del ristorantino chic: povero illuso!”
Scelta B) “’sto taccagno mi porta alla fraschetta con il menù fisso…bah!”
Insomma, arrivati a questo punto la situazione sarà piuttosto chiara: il bicchiere mezzo pieno o mezzo vuoto dipenderà soltanto da voi (e dalle vostre amiche che, ovviamente, non faranno che avvalorare la vostra tesi).

Se tanti indizi fanno una prova e se questi indizi non vi hanno convinte apparirà un luminescente GAME OVER sulla sua testa, se al contrario avrete intravisto qualcosa di buono concederete al povero sventurato altre chances.
“Volevo presentarti i miei amici, ti va?”
La donna non aspetta altro. L’uscita con gli amici servirà a completare il quadro della situazione. Tra una birretta e un cocktail la donna perderà di vista il proprio lui e scruterà il branco; ascolterà tutti gli aneddoti, prenderà appunti e cercherà di carpire quante più informazioni sulle ex e sulle donne che ruotano attorno al clan. Parlerà poco, ma a tempo debito tirerà fuori tutto, proprio tutto eh. Quindi uomini, mettete in guardia i vostri amici.

Ci siamo, lo screening è quasi completato…Il vostro ipotetico lui vi invita a casa. E’ la fine dell’inizio o forse è proprio l’inizio della fine. Ad ogni modo questo è l’ultimo livello, se siete giunte fin qui è perché lui vi ha convinte al 90% e avete voglia di scoprire tutto del suo mondo. Come vi aspettate la sua casa? Linda e pinta e profumata. Cose poco gradite all’occhio femminile:
-Il coinquilino che si aggira in mutande
-Troppi peluches (perché in un primo momento colpiscono, ma poi diventano causa di litigi)
-Foto di donne nude sui muri (nel caso fatele sparire e poi le rimettete…meglio una bugia bianca tante volte).
La casa di lui rappresenta qualcosa di importante, è il suo tempio, il luogo dove passa il suo tempo libero e quindi entrerete in punta di piedi e piano piano tra quelle 4 mura avverrà la trasformazione…Eh già, a questo punto la donna da investigatrice privata si trasformerà in amica, confidente, fidanzata, compagna di giochi, amante, collega, mamma, insomma inizierà a ricoprire più ruoli. Tutto molto bello, tutto molto emozionante, fin quando, dopo un tot di tempo (varia da donna a donna) si passerà alla fase “rompiscatole”. Ogni donna ha questa fase scritta nel DNA, è una peculiarità. La donna rompe e l’uomo si adagia, è fisica, è matematica, è mondo.
Ma nella fase 5 non è il caso di pensare così tanto al futuro. E’ l’inizio, ed è tutto così tremendamente romantico: Wanna Be My Second Player?

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